The first time I tried to write a book was in 2017. It was called "I named my longing Mika" & the whole weight of it sat on my longing, this mysterious angst that didn't know where to land. The next time I tried writing a book was in 2021, and this one I named "Dream Seeds," a representation of the slow work of sowing & hoping. And in 2023, the title evolved again, Giving In. From longing to dreaming to giving in- this transformation of titles is exactly what my journey has looked like over the last 10 years.

And now, soon, on August 24, I turn 30, and enter a new decade. It's exactly how I thought I'd feel- a lovely little concoction of grief and gratitude- and a simultaneous readiness for what will come next. And at the cusp of this turn, I've been seized by a sudden urgency & resolve, and all the potential energy that's been building up has come spilling into motion this last month. This book pushed itself out in a storm.
‍
I've also included some drawings- proportionally incorrect things, but a true representation of who I am right now. It's always been a pipe dream of mine to illustrate my work, and also a scary embarrassing thing to confess, since I'm "not very good." But I stumbled upon a book this summer called Drawing On The Artist Within, which instructed me to draw representations of what was within- of emotional states and problems and how I felt around people. And then I realized that it doesn't have to be good to be true. Of course not.

It's that same realization that convicted me to publish this book, at this stage and this age. I used to say that I probably wouldn't release a book until I was 76, when I felt like I had really gotten somewhere with my writing. But turns out my gut wants to release something now, to honor & celebrate the progress of these last many years, and mark this place at this time at this level. This past year has been tough for my writing because of my trying to enter the publishing world. I started looking at all my work and thinking not good enough, not good enough, not good enough. And I froze.

But what shifted something in me was thinking about child jessie during summer break at home, who scheduled herself two hours to nap and three to play monopoly, designed newsletters on microsoft word about happenings at home just to give them to her brother. And that was enough. And I thought, that's what I want. I want to make this feel like something homegrown, something I'm making for my friends, something I'm stuffing into my bff's locker between second and third period.

And that's enough.

So thank you thank you for supporting me, this is for you. Every single word of encouragement has lodged itself into my bones and I take them all with me everywhere I go. Here's to giving in.

xo Jessie